38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
