so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I believe in your delicious
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
