You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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