dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
