He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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