I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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