Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
