the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
