you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
