Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
