i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
