I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Holy shit dude........stairs
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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