I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
