Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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