I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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