I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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