If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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