Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
