it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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