When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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