so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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