I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
