I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
