Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
