Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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