Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
