Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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