She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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