You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
