Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
