a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
