I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
