OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
