That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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