I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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