Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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