carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize