the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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