I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
