Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
