My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
