there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
