The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
