Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize