dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
sarcasm needs its own font
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
