i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
