My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
