the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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