That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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