Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
