Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
