I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
