If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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