Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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