after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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