wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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