Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
