like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my being single is dangerous.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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