Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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