it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
