maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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