if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
