I can text with my tongue
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
