So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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