Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
