i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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