Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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