Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
