I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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