i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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