im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
