I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
