Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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