He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
