dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
